I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
