I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
