I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Damn victory sex feels great
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
