she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize