I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
