If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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