It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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