Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
