I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
