I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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