I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
