Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i love accidental penises.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
