How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
