I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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