I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
