So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
