Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
