Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
