Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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