i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize
