I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
