i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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