bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize