we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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