k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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