We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
3pm strippers are depressing
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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