I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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