Ambien. No doubt about it.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
