the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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