He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
