we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
