whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
barbara walters just said penis...
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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