Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
