I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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