Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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