you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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