Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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