Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
