I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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