I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
