How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Who died my cat blue again?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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