are you still at the devil's house?
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Randomize