Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
