Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
