When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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