She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
ttyl tear gas
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
