i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
why do cheetos always look like penises
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
