I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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