I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize