You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
