32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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