I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
