i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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