So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
