Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
