We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
