When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
