I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
