was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
