You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
