Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
