I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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