Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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