After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
