I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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