Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
