Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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