The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
