Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
