i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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