Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
last night I used snow as a chaser
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
