Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
