I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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