ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
