I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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