they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
