The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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