Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
