hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
