oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
