you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
