Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
