go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize