Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
