She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
