Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
