idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
