How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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