mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
