Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
she told me i tasted like america
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize