just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
