Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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