just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
