i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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