You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
