Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
