Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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