i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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