I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
