the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
