My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
