If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
it hurts more in the daytime
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize